Why Faking it is Costing You Connection

May 13, 2021

I’ve been a complete FAKE

something that’s come up for me this month is the lack of congruency in my life.

lack of congruency between my mind, body & spirit

lack of congruency between who I am & how I show up in the world

I’ve been portraying my entire being through the filter of my mind, through my ego.

I learned that to protect myself, I must keep my shadow hidden

I learned to put on a façade, to impress people, to gain approval, to be liked, to be accepted

I learned to be a different person than who I truly am

I learned to hide my true, authentic, intimate self

I was taught to fear vulnerability and avoided at all costs

I was taught to suppress the intense palm sweating, handshaking, heart beating out of my throat sensations

A sign of weakness. Of vulnerability. Of shame.

what I didn’t know, was that this fear of vulnerability and suppressed shame, disconnected me from my body. It disconnected me from others. It disconnected me from Love.

it wasn’t until I was committed to breaking through. Willing to surrender. Willing to let go of my ego and control. Let go of my need to be right.

And instead take ownership of the shadow parts. Appreciate them for protecting my tender child heart. No longer disowning them, but rejoicing in their existence.

because what I didn’t know… Is that when you cut yourself off from your shadow, you cut yourself off from your light.

So I’m overrrr letting that incongruency and inauthenticity and fear dictate how I show up and what I express.

This is me! I wear leggings and crop top sweatshirts every day. I color horse pictures and love puzzles. I pretend I’m a wild horse when I’m on a run. Street tacos & a fresh margarita are my jam. And I’m totally afraid of never being enough & fear that I’ll never amount to anything 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m owning it.

This is my invite to you. What are you hiding? What is it costing you?

Can you trust it & allow it to just BE. Can you feel into the process?

Once you allow yourself to go deep, feel the anger, process the grief of missing out on so much of what makes life beautiful...

something incredible happens. you shed that layer of inauthenticity and become more of the real YOU