The Biggest Shift you need to make if you’re not getting pregnant despite ‘already doing everything right’Jul 28, 2021
What do you do if you’re doing ‘everything right’ to get pregnant, but you’re burned out and frustrated because nothing is working?
Well you probably start to believe that there really IS something wrong with you…
And to make matters worse, when you try to confide in someone, they tell you to ‘just relax’ or ‘stop being so hard on yourself’
Here’s the thing…
Telling a high-achiever to ‘just relax’ or to simply ‘let go’ is the equivalent of telling her to ‘just give up’ ‘it’s never going to happen for you ‘ you don’t deserve this’ ‘ your goals don’t matter.’
I KNOW you can relate.
Instead of avoiding the people in your life who are saying these things to you, how about we work on OURSELVES to heal the trigger.
Because we both know that you’d much rather see success while being relaxed and calm during this journey.
So what’s the real issue here?
At the root of every trigger is a limiting belief.
So I’ll speak for myself when I say, at the root of my anger and resentment of not getting pregnant exactly when I was ‘supposed to’ was…
That’s right...it had NOTHING to with not getting pregnant and EVERYTHING to do with my core limiting belief:
‘I don’t deserve success’
Not getting pregnant was just the SYMPTOM of this core belief.
Let me explain…
As a child, I LEARNED to do, compete, and achieve in order to earn approval and attention.
Hear me out... my parents LOVED me and instilled incredible work ethic and responsibility into my character - to which I am so grateful.
But my little 7 year old brain didn’t understand the context and took it at face value:
Get an A on my paper = Love + Approval
And so, I carried this equation through high school, college, my career, athletics…
I was subconsciously DRIVEN to achieve in order to validate my self worth.
That’s why I never rested,relaxed or took vacations...if I wasn’t working and wasn’t achieving, then I was worth nothing.
And who wants to feel like they are worth nothing? NO ONE
So what happened next? I continue to apply this equation to my fertility journey...the harder I worked, the more I learned, the more I knew, then the better chance I’d be able to get pregnant.
Wellllll turns out fertility doesn’t work that way.
In fact, it was the FIRST time ever that I didn’t get what I set out to achieve and it RUINED me.
I was willing to do ANYTHING to escape the feeling. If I could just track my BBT better, never forget a day of taking my supplements, eat exactly what was on my meal plan, get my hormones testested, take progesterone cream on my luteal phase…
But I couldn’t escape it. No matter how much I KNEW or how hard I WORKED...Nothing worked.
I was obsessive, I was resentful of other women easily getting pregnant, I complained to my husband that ‘no matter how hard I try, nothing every works for me…’
I was in VICTIM MODE
I felt like the ultimate failure. Finally the unworthiness caught up to me, I couldn’t out-achieve the feeling I was running from since childhood.
I had no choice but to sit in the feeling and accept that that’s what my reality was.
YES - my old belief and standards, I was a failure.
BUT. Once I understood that it’s simply a belief that I had and it wasn’t actually true. Then that meant if I dropped the belief, then I wasn’t a failure anymore.
So I worked to acknowledge and release my deepest, darkest secret: ‘I am unworthy’
What I now know is this…
This was my opportunity to become aware of and shed this limiting belief.
BEFORE EVERY BREAKTHROUGH, COMES A BREAKDOWN
And THIS is why I wake up everyday to joyfully serve my clients.
Yes, we go deep into gut health, nutrition and hormone balance, but we ALSO go deep into shedding old limiting programming keeping us stuck in perpetual suffering.
Because here’s the thing.
What you resist, persists
What you run from, will catch you
The secret sauce to this journey is acceptance. Accepting all parts of you => even the victim part
Accepting your current reality => especially the part where you feel like a failure
Accepting that you have no control => especially about WHEN you’ll get pregnant
Because here's the thing mama, your achievements, work ethic, drive, perfectionism, people pleasing and need for control are just here to protect you.
Relinquishing these protectors is like laying down your sword and armor and fully surrendering to a loving, higher power.
Ready to fully surrender and believe that you are worthy and deserving of becoming a mother? Get on the waitlist for the next group cohort of HFM! Launching soon!
Stesha Reukauf, creator of Holistic Fertility Method